Day 30 Are You Coming Home?

There were times when we weren't quite sure if you would be here today, but this time was far better than last. I can deal with you stuck in NYC; but on a boat, in the ocean with a down helicopter... that is not for me. I actually had one of the most pleasant days. I stopped in Watertown for Moe's and some Joann's shopping. I stopped in Pulaski at Dunkin for a donut and coffee and was even complimented on my pleasant disposition.

I sat in the parking lot and relaxed, sipped my coffee, and basked in the sunlight getting ever more excited for your arrival. Picking you up this time was so much more intimate for me. I couldn't wait to pull the car up the curb and I tried to peak around the corner just slightly as I drove into the airport pickup.

This has been a long month but we have so much to look forward to; today, tomorrow, this month, forever, you are my heart.

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 29 More Clothes than Most Men

Work today remained the same and still just as frustrating. I had another meeting with a partner and tried to push through the remainder of my day. I worked through lunch in anticipation of dinner tonight with our Roo. Liam fell asleep in the car on the way home and Sarah and I caught up on the couch while he took a nap. It is so nice to sit on the couch and just download, everyone needs that sometimes.

When Liam woke up from his nap we headed to Mama Lucia's for dinner. Liam was extremely loud, and at Mama's it didn't matter. Roo and I shared a bottle of Lambrusco to laugh off his craziness. We shared Chicken Parm, Spaghetti and Pizza. Liam got spaghetti sauce all over the place and we had a wonderful time.

I went home to do a final pickup of the house, put away the laundry, clean up Liam's room, organize the living room and stash your clothing wherever I could find, jeeze you have a lot of clothes babe, see you soon!

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 28 Dad's Night

Today is Monday, and as per usual Mondays are so hard. I cannot wait for the day when I can stay home with all of our terrors and clean this house that lately has slipped between the cracks. After work, I went to Dad's for dinner. We had tilapia, egg noodles, and cream of corn. I topped this off with a blue moon rather than my typical glass of wine, I was craving a beer.

We talked a lot at dinner, we talked about you and how excited I was for you to come home. I cannot wait! I ran to Mom's on the way home to check on Salem and let him out with Mom gone.

Tonight in my Facetime with you we discussed a topic I am not rather fond of. We talked about guns. It is not that I don't like them, want to limit them, or think we could live without them. The problem I think I have, relates to the shear power of a firearm, the distance between you and the target and the long list of horror stories involving guns. While the vast majority of gun owners remain fine, I sometimes question the exception and constantly pray that it is never me. Although I recognize, at some point, Liam will likely own and operate a gun, the mere thought scares me. I suppose the old adage holds true:

"We all fear what we do not understand." -Dan Brown

Although I hope to someday (possibly) understand them a little better, I'm still not sure I will ever be comfortable with them or welcome them with open arms. I generally in life do not like to take unnecessary risks and therefore this will be something I struggle with most of my life as I do with dogs.

Although these conversations are sometimes hard to have, I think they are ultimately important to a successful healthy relationship, and that is what I want.

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 27 Where Do the Days Go?

Sunday mornings, no child to wake me up, you think I would be able to sleep-in right? Nope, at least Mom didn't think so! ;) I got my butt out of bed, and headed out to Dad's house  to check on it since he wouldn't be home until later today. I stopped in to Biglots to pick out a scarecrow and like my mother; filled a cart with fall decorations I wanted and then proceeded to put every thing back on the shelves because I didn't "need" it. I did however get the scarecrow and ran home to put it in the ground and complete my outdoor fall decor. On the way home, I stopped at Dunkin Donuts for an iced latte and started my afternoon of crafting and cleaning.

Liam was dropped off at three and then we were back out to your parents' house to say goodbye to Jacob, visit and drop off your mother's pillow. Your Momma made the best taco salad and I spent the rest of the evening helping Henry Monster with his homework. Boy, it has been a LONG time since I did math like that. I was able to help him with all of the questions except one which you so graciously helped him with. I cannot wait until we can help our children, I cannot wait to have children with you Jeffery. True to form, on the way home we stopped at Mom's to visit with her and Papa before their trip to Hawaii. Today just flew right by. I miss you!

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 26 A Tired Omega Girl

Liam was picked up this morning which always makes for a more challenging day, so thankfully my plans for the day kept me very busy. Mom came over bright and early before her massage and before Liam was picked up for a breakfast of eggs, sausage and toast; which she noted was not an ideal breakfast for someone headed to a massage, lol.

After Liam was picked up, I met Mom and Sarah at the Body Shop for some girl time and pampering. I dyed my hair back to my natural brown and finally got those pesky eyebrows taken care of, (they get so out of hand, so quickly!) After our hours there, I went home to work on some quilting and get ready for Omega's bidnight.

Sarah and I met up at Omega around 4:00. Omega and most of the Potsdam Greek Community are trying out some new rules, regulations and traditions. Although I was skeptical at first I had a really wonderful time. We ate dinner (baked rigatoni and their infamous French onion dip - absolutely amazing,) we sand some songs, took some pictures, visited and just relaxed sans alcohol. Although I thought I would hate these new traditions, I actually found them more fun and far more rewarding.

Around 6:30, I headed home to curl up in front of the fireplace and do some quilting. I worked on Liam's pillow (our #1) and fixed the pillow of your mothers that Moose chewed. I think it turned out pretty fabulous. I had such a great night even though Liam wasn't around. I cannot wait to see him tomorrow.

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 25 Your Crazy Partying Girlfriend

Now while most individuals my age and older are going out, I'm relishing in the fact that tonight I get to stay in. We went to your parents tonight for some yummy food and to visit with our Jakey. I got out of work early today because Dad and K are heading to Buffalo to visit with her family.

We stopped by Sarah and Dirck's on the way out to get in a quick visit and do some catching up before dinner. John Henry was gone to his game tonight and unfortunately we left before he got home. Colton nights are generally the longest and latest nights because we try to visit with everyone along the way.

On the way home, we stopped by Nina's and Papa's and Liam's energy was still going full force. He ran around like a crazy kid in circles, (I think he can sense that you are coming home soon.)

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 24 Days Away

Well today was doctor day and Dr. Szoke has no idea what is on Liam's foot. Although not exactly helpful, at least I'm not extremely concerned anymore. She questioned if it could be a splinter working its way out but I'm still quite certain its the beginning stages of a plantar's wart.

Ugh, the joys of self-diagnosis! I know you're not supposed to, but in the absence of knowledge, I'm going to guess.

Tonight is our night to sit at home, clean and prep for you to come home. I cannot wait, I'm getting excited, it seems like only days away!

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 23 My Little Button Pusher

Wednesday night is typically Angleberger night, but since portions of your parents house are currently tore apart, we have a night alone together. Liam woke up this morning expecting your video. He is fascinated with holding the phone and turning it in circles as he listens to you talk and banters back at the screen.

He complained a little of his foot hurting and I was so grateful that his doctor's appointment is tomorrow. Last night, when Mom dropped Liam back off at our house after I had a chance to unload the car she informed me that she had visited with Damien a lot.

Liam told Nina, "Nina, there are monsters in your hallway."
Interested, Mom replied, "There are Liam?"
"Yes there are." Liam replied, "They are saying bad words!"
"Oh No!" said Nina,  "What did they say?"
"They said godd*mnit!" Liam retorted.
He was informed that although monsters may say bad words, Liam had better not repeat them, but Damien pursued.

When they arrived at home my mother told me Liam also wouldn't eat his dinner. When I asked Liam why he didn't eat, he replied, "I chewed it, and spit it everywhere, on purpose!"
Sometimes hun, he really likes to push my buttons.

I cannot wait until you are home again so he can spread out the button-pushing to you too!"

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 22 I'm a Snoozer

I'm a snoozer! I can't help it, it's what I do! No matter what time I set the alarm clock for, I'm guaranteed to not wake up in time. I will constantly, over and over again, hit the snooze button until I run out of options or time. This time, it was options, meaning: there were no more snoozes, I woke up at 7:30 on my own and had to rush to get to work by 8:00. Trust me, it happens... such a slacker! This is rarely an actual issue because I don't fuss a lot over my appearance. I guess I just don't have it in me!

Liam was super addicted to your video this morning! I even let him play with my phone in the car so he could hear you over and over again.

When you would ask him what he was doing today; he would tell you, "I'm going to Grandma's, JJ!"

Then you would ask if he was going to Nina's and he would go into this elaborate story about how she wasn't there, she has to work today and Papa isn't there either. He would continue to tell you that he wants to go and then the video would run out of time and stop so he would play it again so he could continue to tell you how Nina wasn't there right now. The video would get to the part where you would ask him what he was doing today and he would start all over from the beginning. It was adorable! It made me so happy that he is so in love with you and so sad that you were gone, I really love you baby!

I went home at lunch to do dishes, make the bed, clean the bedroom, and pick up the living room. Tonight, I went out to the rental to get the kitchen closet and the desk cleaned out, yikes!!! The desk held all kinds of useful reminders for me. It reminded me to remain level-headed and stick to our budget! Babe we seriously need to do some filing! Miss Kitty was especially lonely tonight. I can tell she misses you. She kept knocking things off the desk as I tried to clean.

I dropped a broomstick off at your Mother's house and she loaded me up with more treats to take to the house (pumpkin rice crispy treats with chocolate chips and ghost cookies). She showed me all of the renovations on the house; the shower looks great! Renovations are SOOO much work!

I know tonight we had a difficult Facetime, and that reminds me that we are still learning about eachother and how we interact and grow. Our conversation reminded me that everything we have is fresh and new and that although our pasts will always have an influence on us, we should try to break from them as often as possible.

"You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one."

This is something I often have to remind myself. To leave the past where it belongs, let it go, and live in the moment, with you. It's much better in these moments anyway!

You struggled a little with being defensive tonight. I often have the same problem, and I think that is common among most people. We always assume people view us at our worst, but trust me when I say, you are your own biggest critic.

"People are more what they hide than what they show."

So it is often difficult to learn of these things any other way than through time, and trial and error. We will get there sweetheart, all in good time.

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 21 Which Witch is Which

Returning to work on a Monday seems to get harder and harder with every passing week. Today was especially hard because the drama continues... As I was putting Liam's socks on this morning, I noticed something on the heel of his foot that looked slightly like a plantars wart. I called the doctor's office immediately upon getting in and scheduled an appointment for Thursday.

At lunchtime I went to Maxfield's with Mother. I cannot stress enough how much I love Maxfield's lunch! It is also nice to occasionally download with mom and talk things through.

At 4 o'clock I went to dads to pick up Liam and Matthew. We all headed home and the boys played on the swing set while I collected sticks that had fallen from the trees in the backyard. I sorted through the sticks and put them in piles based on size. We then headed to Dad's house where K had made split pea soup for dinner. I love split pea soup and this view!

After dinner, the boys and I went to Walmart to pick up some things for the house, necessary grocery items, and a costume for Matthew. After much debate he picked out a phantom costume and insisted on a grim reaper scythe. Liam thought he should get a knife is well. We picked out a small plastic one with which he proceeded to stab Matthew the remaining portion of the evening. Awww poor Matthew, he was such a good sport about it all!

We dropped Matthew back off, went home and I gave Liam a bath, and then settled down to make some witches' brooms for the two other witches in my life. One for me, one for your mom, and one for mine! *Insert Evil Cackle* Mother called at the end of the process to tell me she was going to the hospital to get what she presumed was a UTI checked out.

She stopped in afterward to collect her broom and fly home... hehe... fly home... get it? ;)

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 20 Life is Beautiful

Liam and I woke up this morning to continue our routine of having bagels for breakfast at Dad's house. We had some great conversation and had a really great time. After breakfast we all went upstairs to go through some of Matthew's old toys. I ended up taking Matthew's old writing desk home with us to set up in Liam's room. I also took my mini fridge that I had been storing there secretly, hoping they would forget until I found more room at our house.

We headed over to Nina's house and I noticed her hydrangea bush was in full bloom and on its way out. I asked if I could cut some for my house to potentially save for our wedding. Mom obliged and actually cut some for herself as well. Liam and I returned home to clean his room put away the desk, and hang up some pictures around the house. I also put the new shelf up in the dining room.

I cleaned up the living room and all of my crafts from the day prior while Liam took his nap. When Liam woke up, we went outside to play in the gorgeous fall weather. While we were outside Nina and Papa came over to drop us off a Haybale. Well, actually, that's not true. They came over to visit. But I stole a Haybale anyway!

Doesn't it look just darling with the mums my hunny bought me and the pumpkins from Papa? I'm such a lucky girl! I reorganized the flowers, watered them, and then it went inside for dinner with Liam, bedtime, and FaceTime with my hubby. Today was such a pleasant and relaxing day!

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 19 Craft a Little or a LOT

Today was a new day, but just as busy as yesterday. This morning I woke up very early and went into the living room to clean up all of the crafts that were strewn about. Mother came over bright and early to do some crafting with me. She had seen a leaf bowl on Pinterest that she was very intrigued to make. In order to make the leaf bowl we covered the bottom of a bowl with plastic wrap. Then we covered the plastic wrap with mod podge and layered on the leaves. We used fake leaves because they were far more vibrant and glittery. You know how much I love Glitter!

 

At first I was certain this project was a disaster, but it turned out to be a very fun learning experience. We had a really good time, laughed very hard, and mother even tried it herself. It took over 24 hours for the mod podge to dry completely but when it did it was gorgeous.

Simone came over around 10 in the morning to work on her baby quilt. She only needed to sew two more rows and then she was finished with the top assembly. After she was done, we took the time to iron the quilt and then laid it on the floor in order to be basted. The basting session took well over a few hours. Which gave me some time to work on my Fall Quilt.

Around noon, I made lunch for everyone and we sat at the table just chatting. After lunch, Mom put Liam down for a nap. Once everyone had accomplished enough to crafting for the day I kicked them all out and headed over to Roo's house. Liam had a wonderful time and so did I. I didn't think I would be bothered, but when I walked in the door there was this overwhelming feeling that overtook me. Within 10 minutes of arriving I was in gushing tears. I had no idea I would feel this way about having my best friend down the road. It is such an amazing feeling! I guess all of this time I didn't think it would ever really happen.

We had chicken and rice for dinner along with some corn. Liam absolutely loved it and the fact that Taylor was over to keep him entertained. After we were done visiting Roo, we headed home for some Facetime with my love. I spent the rest of the evening putting away your clothes and organizing them into the two dressers. It was so much work! Is it sleep time yet?

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 18 More Pumpkins

It sometimes seems as though every moment of every day in my life is planned. I do not know what I would do if I woke up one morning and had nothing on my to-do list and no one to see. I think Pinterest has only made me increasingly more busy. I have this desire to make every adorable item I see and to do it perfectly. Today was no different than any other day; busy!

Work seems relatively normal until I was once again confronted by the craziest situation. Today at work, we wasted everyone's time regarding creamer. Creamer you ask? How so? Does it really matter? Probably not; but it ruined my day. People honestly must have nothing better to worry about than to surround themselves with constant, useless, catty drama, involving dairy products; that stuff is for the birds!

At lunch, I went home to cut and sew more fabric for pumpkins. Kerry-Jo and Momma tagged along to hear the latest workplace drama and get some grub. It seems the more I talk about the situation the more aggravated I become. After work, I moseyed on over to your parents house for dinner and some pumpkin making. I cut a lot of extra pieces so your mother could make some for Kristen for her birthday and so I could give a few more to my mother.

Although John Henry's ankle was still requiring extra attention, him and your father were at his soccer game supporting his teammates. We had shrimp cocktail, your Momma made the most delicious potato soup and we topped it off with some decadent chocolate cheesecake. Your mother so graciously sent me home with some cheesecake too! You may remember this; I had to ask you to hang up the phone one night so I could go devour the remaining slice beckoning to me from the fridge. Babe! Sweets! I just can't help myself!

On my way home, I stopped at mom's house to drop off her new green pumpkins, and to catch up on her latest thoughts. It was a quick visit and then home we ventured for bath, nighttime stories, bed for Liam, and Mommy's coveted Facetime. I seriously couldn't live without our Facetime and especially that face.

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 17 I'll Fight for You

Today has been a difficult day for a whole host of reasons other than missing you. Although I often miss you, I know you are coming home to me and that makes everything ok. Today, it was work. Work, work, work. Not the difficult kind, not the accounting kind; the PEOPLE kind. I'm pretty sure the people kind is the worst kind of work!

Everyone here has somehow lost the meaning of life, of work, of friendship and of being cordial. Everyone hates everyone else, and a select few are constantly behind you, waiting for you to slip up so they can quickly stab you in the back and take you for the clothes you're wearing. It's sad, it's sad and it's exhausting!

Today was one of those days when my will completely fell apart and I just gave in. I gave in to being sad, I gave in to being upset, I gave in to caring why everyone hated eachother and I decided to share all. Because honestly, at this point, what have I got to lose?

"When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you."

I think I should have listened to this quote a long time ago. Too often we hold on to things that are broken, people that are broken, relationships that are broken rather than walking away or seriously fixing them. This is something Sarah and I have learned together for the last few years. We have learned to walk away from the people that let us walk away and to fight for the people that don't. Her and I have learned that we're the fighting kind. We love hard and we fight hard; when we have a good reason of course.

I've known from the beginning, I'll always fight for you, because I know you'll be right there fighting for me too!

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 16 Flowers! For Me?

PS I LOVE getting flowers! You are so good to me sweetie! I came back from lunch and as luck would have it they were waiting for me on my desk. It is always such a surprise when I come back from lunch to find them. I really do love you a ton. You are so good to me!

Tonight I have dinner with your parents and I am uber excited! Angel told me she had a special surprise for Liam, I guess today is our lucky day! I ran home at lunch to cut and sew the remaining fabric for the pumpkins to bring to your mothers. Work was very busy so my day completely flew by.

You Mother made steak and peppers, pumpkin rice crispy treats and ghost cookies. Everything was so wonderful. After dinner, we started to work on our pumpkins. We made 3 orange pumpkins for each of us (Your mom, my mom and me!) We promised to make more soon, they were a lot of fun and not too expensive at all!

I stopped briefly at Mom's house to drop her pumpkins off then ran home to Facetime with my hubby! I know you sometimes complain that I don't tell you things that happen but if I tell you everything then I have very little to share with you on your blog. Even sometimes, I write about my day on the blog then forget that I haven't actually told you, not realizing you won't read this for nearly two months. Well, you'll figure it all out eventually! ;)

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 15 A Couple of Boobs

You and I are so similar. It is crazy sometimes how we will talk around and around, neither of us making a decision for fear that the other will be disappointed. Well today, our discussion involved Halloween costumes.

What should we be?
Should we match?
Would you like that?
Should we wait?
Should I buy one now?
Should I make one?

Oh Jeepers! I give up! I'm going to wait until you come home and all but decide for me because I can't possibly talk about it another moment. Worse comes to worst we'll just be "Boobs!"

It worked well enough for them!

Today, I went to Pizza Hut for lunch with Mom. I think I need to do this at least once a week to catch up on each other, work, and life. It is so refreshing to just sit there and chat knowing that we are both being 100% honest with each other, I think I love that most.

After work, I packed up the car and headed out to our rental to begin work on the closets. Babe! You need to learn how to throw things out! Now, I know my mother thinks I'm terrible at this, but honestly, that's just because she hadn't yet met you! ;)

I found things in your closet I couldn't imagine why anyone would have. I found an entire trunk full of hundreds of knives. I found life-size princess puzzle mats. I found Valentines from 7th grade. I found hockey gear, old ratty clothing, fireworks, smoke bombs, dishes and cords a plenty. Mostly I have so much randomness in that closet I'm not sure there will ever be a place for some of it. I found magazines by the boxful. It is a TON of work and at times can be quite overwhelming.

Your parents stopped by during the worst of it and I know they couldn't help but notice my anxiety. It would be difficult enough for you to sort through your stuff and make decisions about what to do with things; knowing what they mean to you. It is even harder for someone with little knowledge on the subject to randomly sort, organize and toss. I'm doing my best, but jeeze that closet was HUGE!

Your Momma dropped of a pillow Moose had destroyed for me to attempt to salvage. Thankfully the front was still intact so I'll just make a new back and sew it back up.

On my way home, with a car full of boxes I turned on the radio and started singing along as usual. Except this time, I noticed something different. Although I often listen to the radio, I rarely listen to country anymore. To be honest, it has been years since I've been able to listen to a country station without being completely overwhelmed with emotion. I used to listen to it all of the time. It was my favorite type of music and I was proud of that! But then it got hard. Every song upset me, every song reminded me of what had happened and every song forced me to relive all of those painful moments. Every song reminded me of the life I was forced to walk away from and eventually I stopped listening to it.

Finding myself driving down the road listening to country music and loving it was such a huge step for me. It reminded me of how amazing, wonderful and special you are and how lucky I am to have you. For the first time, every song reminds me of you, every song makes me laugh, every song makes me happy and every song is now enjoyable. I have you to thank for that! It reminds me of this quote:

"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

I LOVE that we fell together.

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 14 Is it OK to Scream "I Hate Mondays"?

I woke up feeling terrible, sick, tired and completely yucky. I think a lot of people ended up with a case of the Monday's. I plowed through my day hopeful for a relaxing night at dinner with Daddy, K and Matthew. I went home at lunch to tidy the house, do dishes, laundry and a few rows of my latest quilting project. I returned to work to pray for 4:00 when I would again be free! hehe

Dinner at Dad's was certainly just the thing I needed to jolt me back into shape. I chatted with K while we waited for Dad to come home, I chilled the bottle of wine I had brought from our house and my mouth watered as I drooled over dinner; mmmm Spaghetti and Meatballs! Liam housed his dinner tonight and we had some wonderful conversation as we sat around the dinner table.

I asked for everyone's Christmas list and even offered a fabulous suggestion for us; a new grill! One less thing we need to buy and something Dad is good at picking out. They use their grill A LOT!

After dinner Liam and I ventured to Walmart for an oil change. I think I went WAY too many miles on this last oil change. I need to do better next time at not being complacent with things like this. I just hate doing them so much, a lot like pumping gas or mowing the lawn. While we waited I played around in the Halloween costume section:

Yes, I am terrified of spiders! Your Momma Facebook messaged me about John Henry's ankle; he hurt it pretty bad in tonight's game and they were at the hospital getting it checked out.

Gross right? Thankfully, it's not broken, but I'm pretty sure it still looks horrible and is extremely painful! I eventually collected my car and returned home to prep some fabric for a pumpkin craft with your Momma on Wednesday, FaceTime with my love and eventually some much needed sleep. Some days are so incredibly long!

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 13 What I Love About Sundays

I woke up this morning to put the finishing touches (i.e. binding) on Jenn's quilt. I finished the quilt very early and started scanning Facebook. What to my amazement did I find? Omega Breakfast in Bed!!!

I was so very excited! I called up the first active Omega sister's phone number I could find and ordered me some breakfast! In fact, I ordered some for Mom and Bry Bry and two for Liam and I. Uncle Chris ended up eating the leftovers when he woke up many hours later. It was delicious, a small donation and I didn't have to make it, what a way to start the day!

I eventually put myself together, found my red polka-dot dress and out the door we went. I dropped Liam off at Mom's and went out to your parents to prepare for the shower. I'd like to remind you that last night was the Fire Department's Party so those pictures were a sight to see! It looks like they had a blast, I cannot wait until you are home next year for it, we will have a lot of fun.

Your mom ran around the house grabbing an assortment of items to send home with me. She produced some VERY UGLY minions from Norway, a gorgeous German beer stein, a charactature of yours truly, travel coffee mugs from the Fire Department, mini tape measures and your plaque (name spelled wrong, don't worry, I hear they're fixing it.)

The car ride to the shower was filled with lots of jovial conversation and your Momma and I had a wonderful time at the shower. We may or may not have played a little joke on you. You're always double, triple and quadruple checking that everything is ok with me. So true to form, hehe, I had your Momma ask you if everything was ok with me. It may have back-fired on us a little because you were overly worried about it. Of course I'm fine love. I have you, I have your family, I have my family, I have Liam and I've never been more happy.

When we confessed to our folly you responded with the most loving and adorable text to your Mother:

"I love her very much and the thought of something being wrong just scares me. Especially when I'm all the way at work. I love you Momma. I love her. I can not be without her."

Awwww, I love you hunny! Worry not, I'm right here, where you left me, waiting for you to come home. Besides, this is what my Mother wrote me today:

"I'm so glad you have him, now don't break my heart."

It seems we have an enormous support network and love surrounding us. I have no worries what-so-ever about us. I love you sweety.

Jenn opened her quilt and absolutely LOVED it! I mean who wouldn't, it's gorgeous. I think I would have had a terrible time giving it up if it didn't have Hunter's name on it. Silly me! ;)

We collected your Father from the bar and ventured home! He was a funny sight to see. For some reason he makes me miss you even more (not that you guys look similar or anything).

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 12 I Could Have Missed

Today was another lesson in life: "Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out."

We always have two choices in life. We can choose to be the person that something happened to; the victim, or we can choose to do something about it and take control. For years, I played the victim. That was all the strength I had, that was all the courage I could muster and that was all my will would allow. I rationalized that life had "happened" to me and my only goal was survival. Sometimes, that's the only way we can continue and sometimes, that's ok.

Not now, these last few years have taught me that happiness is something that comes from within and not from life's circumstances. Although it is perfectly alright to be upset sometimes and to take the time to fully grieve; at some point, we have to move on and face not what once was, but what is. That is what I did today.

This morning when Liam was dropped off, I was faced with a situation I may have been dreading for the last few years. I put on my shoes, held my head up high, checked my smile, was kind and warm and let the fear, anger and anxiety wash over me leaving, forgiveness, peace and relief. The truth is,  at the end of the day, I have something better than I could have ever imagined. The truth is, I don't have what I couldn't at one point see that I didn't want, and what I do have is even better. I have Liam, and I have you!

I always looked at dating as a comparison game; a way of looking at people, generalizing them, comparing them, picturing them at some distant point in the future and trying to make a lasting relationship out of that. Well no wonder it never worked. With you, I let things be, I love you in this moment and I love the me that I am with you.

"Don’t choose the one who is beautiful to the world; choose the one who makes your world beautiful."

I am not with you because of who you are to everyone else, what you look like at your worst or who envies you at your best. I am not with you because of what you do, how much money is or is not in your bank account or for any other reason than because you complete my world. I have never had a more beautiful world in front of me; yesterday, today, tomorrow and every day after. I know that my world is exquisitely beautiful, because of you!

When the rain started pouring down on John Henry's game, I couldn't help but love even that moment; knowing that I only had that moment because I know you. I could have been a fair-weather watcher and left when the rain got heavy. When Kerry-Jo cancelled dinner plans I could have moped or sat around feeling sorry for myself; but instead I went to Mama Lucia's to have dinner with Liam while Uncle Chris waited on us. If I had let myself be the victim today, I would have missed soooo much.

I would have missed the boys playing their hearts out. I would have missed Liam playing in the rain. I would have missed being huddled with him under the umbrella. I would have missed the way your parents loved me in that moment. I would have missed spending hours with Christopher talking about you. I would have missed watching Liam at dinner. I would have missed feeling completely special today. I would have missed the tears running down my face as I write this....

Sometimes, life is composed of the things you didn't do and sometimes, like today, life is composed of all of the beautiful things you didn't miss because you made the best out of the way things did turn out.

I even had a little extra time to work more on the quilt. Tomorrow is the shower! I have never felt so blessed. Thank you hun, for all of the things I could have missed.

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 11 TGIF

Yay! It's finally Friday!!! This means I am getting that much closer to being half-way done with this hitch. Today was the perfect non-storm of Fridays! Today was Jeans Day, at lunch I went home with Kerry-Jo to drop off my car and pick Mom up so she could drop off hers. After work, we went out to Between the Buns and had a pretty great time. PS I do not know who is photo-bombing in the background of my selfie but it is SUPER CREEPY!! ^

 

Although I absolutely hate going out without my Jeffery, Riddhi came along to help me make the best of it and I had a pretty good time. Mom, Bry Bry, Ben, Terry, Simone, Kerry-Jo, Shawn, Riddhi, Laura and Lauren all came out for some happy hour time.

Going out tonight only reminds me of how far away you are. I spend the entire time imagining you here with me and imagining how I would feel if you were out down there without me. I'd hate it!

 

"True love isn’t about being inseparable; it’s about two people being true to each other even when they are separated."

 

True to myself, I had a few drinks, and to home I went to call the one man in this entire world that I cannot live without! You are my everything!

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 10 Soccer

For the next few posts, let's just assume I'm quilting, because in order to finish this quilt in time, THAT is what I will be doing! I had a very busy day and at lunch ran to the bank, tried desperately to control my road rage as I was confronted with the MOST terrible driver, drove home to get your truck full of yucky bottles and went to CJ's to return them. 30 garbage bags of bottles later, no help from any of the staff, and sweet, sticky mess all over, I returned to work.

Tonight John Henry had his soccer game in Madrid and Liam and I both were very excited to attend. We stopped in Madrid on the way there and I bought Liam a cheeseburger and some oranges for dinner. He was SOOO well behaved! He ate like a champ, posed for numerous pictures for me and we all had a blast.

I cannot wait to attend the soccer games with you, I cannot wait to attend our children's soccer games with you. I honestly cannot wait to do everything with you, I cannot wait for you to come home, I cannot wait for one of those Jeffery kisses. I mean, I know I have to wait... but I don't want to! hehe

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 9 Loving Every Moment

Somehow I missed everything happening with Patrick Collins. Not that it's been more than a few days but I have been quite complacent with Facebook lately. Today I had a great conversation with Cassidy and helped her send around a message at work regarding the bottle redemption for Pat. It reminded me to really stop and try and appreciate life. There is so much on a daily basis that we take for granted and could be gone in an instant, mainly our health and loved ones.

It reminds me of this quote, "No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone, somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs."

I am going to try harder to not take the little (or big) things in life for granted.

Tonight I have dinner with your family (our family) and I am going to empty their garage of the bottles that fill it up to bring to the redemption center tomorrow. I ran home at lunch to work on the quilt and went to the dollar store at 4 to see if they had any fall decorations. They had plenty of Halloween items but that really isn't my style. I packaged up Mr. Liam and headed out to your parents in your beastly truck!

Your mom had dug out the quilt she had started working on 20 something years ago. We found all of the various pieces and I committed to taking it home to work on. She also gave me all of her old fabric, one of your Tshirts and your father's old sweatshirts. She made the most fabulous Chicken and Dumplings for dinner and Brownies with Chocolate Frosting for dessert. Your Dad was gone to a board meeting at the school for most of the night, but made it home in time to see me gorging myself on brownies :)!

Home we trekked in time to FaceTime with you. We talked about some of the most fabulous things, mostly the renovations we would be completing on your house. We did a lot of laughing, joking, smiling and enjoying just staring at each other. I miss you babe, a little more every day!

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 8 Under the Kitchen Sink

Like so many days when you are gone, today was a rather difficult day. Sometimes there is so much on my mind I have no idea where to even start to make sense of it all. You've got to start somewhere I guess. When Liam woke up early this morning and we started to head into our bedroom, he said, "Is he here Mommy, is he here?" It broke my heart. I knew exactly who he is talking about, and I'm having the most difficult time trying to convey the fact that you will be gone for quite some time. I cannot wait for the morning you are finally home and Liam can crawl into bed with us, cuddle up with you and feel safe and secure once again. Life just isn't the same without you here.

My lunch break today consisted of more quilting, as well as the emptying of boxes so I could fill them when I got to your house tonight. I cannot wait to be done with this quilt so I can take some time to put away all of the items from your house. The house is getting to be quite the disaster again and I need everything put away to calm my nerves.

When I arrived at your house Miss Kitty was obviously pretty desperate for some attention. She attacked me as I walked around the house. I cleaned out the kitchen completely, emptied out the rest of the bathroom (mainly the stuff under the sink), and packed up the rest of the DVD's. I packed up at least 10 boxes of stuff, more clothing, dishes and cleaning products.

Your Daddy stopped by while I was there with John Henry and Mason. We all stood there and marveled about how much stuff one man could accumulate! You are impressive sweetie! Don't even get me started on the products you were hoarding under your kitchen sink!

Eventually I headed home, to pick up Liam, sort through a few of the items from your house and count, sort and roll the change in the box that was on your desk. I loved our FaceTime and talking through our days, I always love seeing you babes.

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!