Day 21 Fitting in with Your Family

I had the MOST wonderful time today with your family! I cleaned all morning, made potato salad for the rest of the morning and made it to your parents in time for a late lunch. Liam was napless and therefore in rare form!

I met your Grandma and Tony today, they were wonderful! I always feel like I fit right in with everyone. Your Grandmother even complimented me on the potato salad, that made me so proud. I stayed in the kitchen after lunch and spent time just chatting with the women. Everytime I am over, I find myself imaging our life. This moment was exactly what I always picture, except in my perfect dream you are there too; outside with your Dad, playing with Liam, giving your brothers a hard time. I cannot wait for you to come home.

Your mother made fried Zucchini today again. I think she does it just to torture me! ;) Between the women at the table, we nearly finished the entire plate! I watched her make it this time so you can bet your bottom I will be making it often in the future! I love learning to cook, making things for people, and filling that motherly role; I'm pretty positive that was my calling in life.

Liam was so tired he fell asleep in your mother's lap while we sat out back and talked, it was completely adorable! He loves her so much already! Ugh, babe, I love this!

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 20 Making Room

I finally got a chance at work to take a picture of myself with my flowers. I really love getting flowers from you. They are something that I have for a week and a half that remind me every morning of your love for me. They breathe beauty and life, smell amazing and make those around me completely jealous! I miss you Jeffery.

Mom came over tonight to share some wine, talk and download. Aunt Marcia is in the hospital and is very sick. She has had lyme disease for two months undetected, she developed Bell's palsy and is having a host of other problems. Thankfully she will be ok with time. Mom is leaving tomorrow morning to spend some time with her.

Tonight I spent quite a bit of time "cleaning out the basement." I put that in quotations because this is something my parents have been telling me to do for quite some time. I have boxes down there I haven't touched in years, and things I'm not even sure where they came from. As I go through, I'm slowing moving things upstairs and putting them away, throwing them out or giving them away in anticipation of you moving in. I have to make a lot of room for you! I hear you have a lot of stuff and I cannot wait to begin that chapter of our lives together.

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 19 Shopping with an Angel

From the moment I picked her up until the moment I dropped her off we had a FABULOUS time! Now I love shopping, don't get me wrong... but this woman LOVES shopping! We had the best time trying on outfits, matching tops, calling each other funny names, loving our curves and imagining the looks on you and your father's faces when you saw us.

 

Her signature lines from the night were:

 

"J's going to love you in that!"

 

"That will make you look like a biker b*tch!"

 

And, "Wait until Jeff sees my back in this!"

 

Your Momma referred to me as her future daughter-in-law and made me feel like a part of the family! I cannot wait to be fully in your family, nothing could make me more happy than that.

 

We had the best conversations in the car; we talked about life, lessons, children, marriage, how your parents met and love. When I picked your mother up, your parents did their goodbyes and although I looked away to give them some privacy, I was so in awe of their love. 31 years together and they still radiate love, morals and beauty when they are together. I hope that is us in 30 years, although I couldn't see it any other way.

 

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 18 You Always Know

You are so intuitive when it comes to me. You could not have sent flowers on a more perfect day! Yesterday's missing you translated to today's needing you and the flowers were just the thing to make it all better. Not seconds before I got them was I asking Sarah if she thought you really loved me (whatever that means). How did I get so lucky? They are huge, and happy, and completely gorgeous! When everyone comes in to admire them and ask me why I got them, I take such pride in saying, "Just Because!" Quite a few people have followed up with, "Just an 'I miss you'?"
I'd like to think so!

Tonight, my Mother came over for some Liam time, dinner and wine. It was nice to sit on the couch, talk, and just relax. Drinking wine makes me miss you more! When she left, I still hadn't heard from you so I went for an evening walk. A walk is always just thing to clear my head and then slowly mentally organize and compartmentalize my life. It helps me to stand back and really look at my decisions. I am proud to say there is not one decision so far with you I am not completely, irrevocably proud of. Every day you make all of the wrongs, right. Thank you!

 

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 17 Some Days are Harder than Others

Today was a long day! I had lunch with Mom, dinner at Dads house, went for a beautiful walk, finally got Liam in for a bath, and was able to see your face for a little while before bed. Every day I miss you like crazy, but some days are a little easier for me than others.

Yesterday with your family, I felt so much better about you being gone.
When your Mother asked how I was doing, I think I even remarked, "It gets easier after two weeks doesn't it?"
She followed that up with, "I don't know, but you do get into a routine."

Today, I understand what she meant; there are moments that seem better than others but it never really gets easier. This is mostly because, you're not here, and I don't think I'll feel fully better until you are. I feel like we learn so much more about each other every day, and every day I fall more and more in love with you!

Tonight we had a great conversation about John Henry, and I hope so much he can one day feel included in our lives. I love more than anything your relationship with him and he should know he is always welcome. Change is always hard and finding your niche in any new situation comes with its share of obstacles.

I miss you hun, while today is finally the half-way mark for us as I write this, I hope this time your gone we celebrated it a few days ago. The half-way point is always hard because although half the time has already passed, you still have the other half to go! I can't wait!

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 16 The Anglebergers

My most favorite night of the week is whatever night I happen to be having dinner with your family. They always make me feel that much closer to you! Tonight we had the most wonderful meal, Liam behaved about as good as can be expected and we had a LOT of fun! The boys jumped on the trampoline, we ALL played with sidewalk chalk and Liam pushed the cars your mother found all over the driveway.

I played Frisbee with Henry Monster and your Dad. John Henry doesn't throw the straightest Frisbee and he laughs every time I try to catch it like an alligator! I tried to tell him to kick his back leg out when he threw it, he tried it once and proclaimed that was the worst way to throw a Frisbee ever. I couldn't agree more but watching him do it was hilarious! Your Momma gave Liam a ride on the four wheeler and we all played with bubbles all evening.

PS your bubbles make a MESS! There were little "pieces" of bubble ALL over the place. Your boat may need a little bit of a wash, the garage was covered and the lawn looked quite amusing, to say the least! We all went inside to munch on chocolate chip cookies, I believe it was at this point that Liam proceeded to dump strawberry juice and milk all over your mother! I had such a wonderful time, I can't wait for more!

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 15 Mommy's Other Big Boy

Today, Liam and I attempted some more of that thing called Potty Training. When I initially told Liam we were going to start potty training he was so very excited. He responded with, "I can't wait to ride the train Mommy, Yay, Yayyyy!" Clearly, he didn't understand the concept!

With a little help from a thing called chocolate we had our first accident free day! Nina and Papa bought Liam a bike; I have a feeling he will need some JJ help to get the hang of riding it. We both miss you so very much and cannot wait to see you!

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!