Day 14 Is it OK to Scream "I Hate Mondays"?

I woke up feeling terrible, sick, tired and completely yucky. I think a lot of people ended up with a case of the Monday's. I plowed through my day hopeful for a relaxing night at dinner with Daddy, K and Matthew. I went home at lunch to tidy the house, do dishes, laundry and a few rows of my latest quilting project. I returned to work to pray for 4:00 when I would again be free! hehe

Dinner at Dad's was certainly just the thing I needed to jolt me back into shape. I chatted with K while we waited for Dad to come home, I chilled the bottle of wine I had brought from our house and my mouth watered as I drooled over dinner; mmmm Spaghetti and Meatballs! Liam housed his dinner tonight and we had some wonderful conversation as we sat around the dinner table.

I asked for everyone's Christmas list and even offered a fabulous suggestion for us; a new grill! One less thing we need to buy and something Dad is good at picking out. They use their grill A LOT!

After dinner Liam and I ventured to Walmart for an oil change. I think I went WAY too many miles on this last oil change. I need to do better next time at not being complacent with things like this. I just hate doing them so much, a lot like pumping gas or mowing the lawn. While we waited I played around in the Halloween costume section:

Yes, I am terrified of spiders! Your Momma Facebook messaged me about John Henry's ankle; he hurt it pretty bad in tonight's game and they were at the hospital getting it checked out.

Gross right? Thankfully, it's not broken, but I'm pretty sure it still looks horrible and is extremely painful! I eventually collected my car and returned home to prep some fabric for a pumpkin craft with your Momma on Wednesday, FaceTime with my love and eventually some much needed sleep. Some days are so incredibly long!

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 13 What I Love About Sundays

I woke up this morning to put the finishing touches (i.e. binding) on Jenn's quilt. I finished the quilt very early and started scanning Facebook. What to my amazement did I find? Omega Breakfast in Bed!!!

I was so very excited! I called up the first active Omega sister's phone number I could find and ordered me some breakfast! In fact, I ordered some for Mom and Bry Bry and two for Liam and I. Uncle Chris ended up eating the leftovers when he woke up many hours later. It was delicious, a small donation and I didn't have to make it, what a way to start the day!

I eventually put myself together, found my red polka-dot dress and out the door we went. I dropped Liam off at Mom's and went out to your parents to prepare for the shower. I'd like to remind you that last night was the Fire Department's Party so those pictures were a sight to see! It looks like they had a blast, I cannot wait until you are home next year for it, we will have a lot of fun.

Your mom ran around the house grabbing an assortment of items to send home with me. She produced some VERY UGLY minions from Norway, a gorgeous German beer stein, a charactature of yours truly, travel coffee mugs from the Fire Department, mini tape measures and your plaque (name spelled wrong, don't worry, I hear they're fixing it.)

The car ride to the shower was filled with lots of jovial conversation and your Momma and I had a wonderful time at the shower. We may or may not have played a little joke on you. You're always double, triple and quadruple checking that everything is ok with me. So true to form, hehe, I had your Momma ask you if everything was ok with me. It may have back-fired on us a little because you were overly worried about it. Of course I'm fine love. I have you, I have your family, I have my family, I have Liam and I've never been more happy.

When we confessed to our folly you responded with the most loving and adorable text to your Mother:

"I love her very much and the thought of something being wrong just scares me. Especially when I'm all the way at work. I love you Momma. I love her. I can not be without her."

Awwww, I love you hunny! Worry not, I'm right here, where you left me, waiting for you to come home. Besides, this is what my Mother wrote me today:

"I'm so glad you have him, now don't break my heart."

It seems we have an enormous support network and love surrounding us. I have no worries what-so-ever about us. I love you sweety.

Jenn opened her quilt and absolutely LOVED it! I mean who wouldn't, it's gorgeous. I think I would have had a terrible time giving it up if it didn't have Hunter's name on it. Silly me! ;)

We collected your Father from the bar and ventured home! He was a funny sight to see. For some reason he makes me miss you even more (not that you guys look similar or anything).

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 12 I Could Have Missed

Today was another lesson in life: "Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out."

We always have two choices in life. We can choose to be the person that something happened to; the victim, or we can choose to do something about it and take control. For years, I played the victim. That was all the strength I had, that was all the courage I could muster and that was all my will would allow. I rationalized that life had "happened" to me and my only goal was survival. Sometimes, that's the only way we can continue and sometimes, that's ok.

Not now, these last few years have taught me that happiness is something that comes from within and not from life's circumstances. Although it is perfectly alright to be upset sometimes and to take the time to fully grieve; at some point, we have to move on and face not what once was, but what is. That is what I did today.

This morning when Liam was dropped off, I was faced with a situation I may have been dreading for the last few years. I put on my shoes, held my head up high, checked my smile, was kind and warm and let the fear, anger and anxiety wash over me leaving, forgiveness, peace and relief. The truth is,  at the end of the day, I have something better than I could have ever imagined. The truth is, I don't have what I couldn't at one point see that I didn't want, and what I do have is even better. I have Liam, and I have you!

I always looked at dating as a comparison game; a way of looking at people, generalizing them, comparing them, picturing them at some distant point in the future and trying to make a lasting relationship out of that. Well no wonder it never worked. With you, I let things be, I love you in this moment and I love the me that I am with you.

"Don’t choose the one who is beautiful to the world; choose the one who makes your world beautiful."

I am not with you because of who you are to everyone else, what you look like at your worst or who envies you at your best. I am not with you because of what you do, how much money is or is not in your bank account or for any other reason than because you complete my world. I have never had a more beautiful world in front of me; yesterday, today, tomorrow and every day after. I know that my world is exquisitely beautiful, because of you!

When the rain started pouring down on John Henry's game, I couldn't help but love even that moment; knowing that I only had that moment because I know you. I could have been a fair-weather watcher and left when the rain got heavy. When Kerry-Jo cancelled dinner plans I could have moped or sat around feeling sorry for myself; but instead I went to Mama Lucia's to have dinner with Liam while Uncle Chris waited on us. If I had let myself be the victim today, I would have missed soooo much.

I would have missed the boys playing their hearts out. I would have missed Liam playing in the rain. I would have missed being huddled with him under the umbrella. I would have missed the way your parents loved me in that moment. I would have missed spending hours with Christopher talking about you. I would have missed watching Liam at dinner. I would have missed feeling completely special today. I would have missed the tears running down my face as I write this....

Sometimes, life is composed of the things you didn't do and sometimes, like today, life is composed of all of the beautiful things you didn't miss because you made the best out of the way things did turn out.

I even had a little extra time to work more on the quilt. Tomorrow is the shower! I have never felt so blessed. Thank you hun, for all of the things I could have missed.

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 11 TGIF

Yay! It's finally Friday!!! This means I am getting that much closer to being half-way done with this hitch. Today was the perfect non-storm of Fridays! Today was Jeans Day, at lunch I went home with Kerry-Jo to drop off my car and pick Mom up so she could drop off hers. After work, we went out to Between the Buns and had a pretty great time. PS I do not know who is photo-bombing in the background of my selfie but it is SUPER CREEPY!! ^

 

Although I absolutely hate going out without my Jeffery, Riddhi came along to help me make the best of it and I had a pretty good time. Mom, Bry Bry, Ben, Terry, Simone, Kerry-Jo, Shawn, Riddhi, Laura and Lauren all came out for some happy hour time.

Going out tonight only reminds me of how far away you are. I spend the entire time imagining you here with me and imagining how I would feel if you were out down there without me. I'd hate it!

 

"True love isn’t about being inseparable; it’s about two people being true to each other even when they are separated."

 

True to myself, I had a few drinks, and to home I went to call the one man in this entire world that I cannot live without! You are my everything!

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 10 Soccer

For the next few posts, let's just assume I'm quilting, because in order to finish this quilt in time, THAT is what I will be doing! I had a very busy day and at lunch ran to the bank, tried desperately to control my road rage as I was confronted with the MOST terrible driver, drove home to get your truck full of yucky bottles and went to CJ's to return them. 30 garbage bags of bottles later, no help from any of the staff, and sweet, sticky mess all over, I returned to work.

Tonight John Henry had his soccer game in Madrid and Liam and I both were very excited to attend. We stopped in Madrid on the way there and I bought Liam a cheeseburger and some oranges for dinner. He was SOOO well behaved! He ate like a champ, posed for numerous pictures for me and we all had a blast.

I cannot wait to attend the soccer games with you, I cannot wait to attend our children's soccer games with you. I honestly cannot wait to do everything with you, I cannot wait for you to come home, I cannot wait for one of those Jeffery kisses. I mean, I know I have to wait... but I don't want to! hehe

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 9 Loving Every Moment

Somehow I missed everything happening with Patrick Collins. Not that it's been more than a few days but I have been quite complacent with Facebook lately. Today I had a great conversation with Cassidy and helped her send around a message at work regarding the bottle redemption for Pat. It reminded me to really stop and try and appreciate life. There is so much on a daily basis that we take for granted and could be gone in an instant, mainly our health and loved ones.

It reminds me of this quote, "No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone, somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs."

I am going to try harder to not take the little (or big) things in life for granted.

Tonight I have dinner with your family (our family) and I am going to empty their garage of the bottles that fill it up to bring to the redemption center tomorrow. I ran home at lunch to work on the quilt and went to the dollar store at 4 to see if they had any fall decorations. They had plenty of Halloween items but that really isn't my style. I packaged up Mr. Liam and headed out to your parents in your beastly truck!

Your mom had dug out the quilt she had started working on 20 something years ago. We found all of the various pieces and I committed to taking it home to work on. She also gave me all of her old fabric, one of your Tshirts and your father's old sweatshirts. She made the most fabulous Chicken and Dumplings for dinner and Brownies with Chocolate Frosting for dessert. Your Dad was gone to a board meeting at the school for most of the night, but made it home in time to see me gorging myself on brownies :)!

Home we trekked in time to FaceTime with you. We talked about some of the most fabulous things, mostly the renovations we would be completing on your house. We did a lot of laughing, joking, smiling and enjoying just staring at each other. I miss you babe, a little more every day!

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!

Day 8 Under the Kitchen Sink

Like so many days when you are gone, today was a rather difficult day. Sometimes there is so much on my mind I have no idea where to even start to make sense of it all. You've got to start somewhere I guess. When Liam woke up early this morning and we started to head into our bedroom, he said, "Is he here Mommy, is he here?" It broke my heart. I knew exactly who he is talking about, and I'm having the most difficult time trying to convey the fact that you will be gone for quite some time. I cannot wait for the morning you are finally home and Liam can crawl into bed with us, cuddle up with you and feel safe and secure once again. Life just isn't the same without you here.

My lunch break today consisted of more quilting, as well as the emptying of boxes so I could fill them when I got to your house tonight. I cannot wait to be done with this quilt so I can take some time to put away all of the items from your house. The house is getting to be quite the disaster again and I need everything put away to calm my nerves.

When I arrived at your house Miss Kitty was obviously pretty desperate for some attention. She attacked me as I walked around the house. I cleaned out the kitchen completely, emptied out the rest of the bathroom (mainly the stuff under the sink), and packed up the rest of the DVD's. I packed up at least 10 boxes of stuff, more clothing, dishes and cleaning products.

Your Daddy stopped by while I was there with John Henry and Mason. We all stood there and marveled about how much stuff one man could accumulate! You are impressive sweetie! Don't even get me started on the products you were hoarding under your kitchen sink!

Eventually I headed home, to pick up Liam, sort through a few of the items from your house and count, sort and roll the change in the box that was on your desk. I loved our FaceTime and talking through our days, I always love seeing you babes.

And Jeffery, I Blue Heart love you!